- pretty girl: i'd rather be called beautiful then hot
- me: i'll take what i can get
do you guys ever wish you could take 24 of the most annoying bitches in your school and put them in an arena and make them fight to the death
except nobody would live
I’ve recently realized, that I do the strangest things when it comes to men. I can meet a perfectly decent person, but I will eventually make the lamest excuses as to why it won’t work. For example; I met a pretty decent and fairly good looking guy a few nights ago. Normal. Normal looking. Went to a real college for a real degree for a real job. I can’t for the life of me remember his name, but I’m sure thats because I have a habit of giving every man I come into contact with, (whether its some I date short or long term, someone I have slept with, or someone I meet and make out with while completely intoxicated) a weird nickname. I called this one Mississippi because thats where he went to school. Anyways, After the night was over, I got his number and all that jazz. But never texted him and when he texted me, I ignored him. My reasoning was….I didn’t like his shoes. What the frack?!
Another example. A few nights later at an engagement party I met another one. Decent. Normal. A marine. Very very delicious looking. My nickname for him is kind of amazing considering I was drunk when I came up with it. I called him Percy. Why? Well here it goes. He was bald. Which makes me think of Bald Monday at Neptune Subs. Neptune makes me think of Poseidon because Neptune is his Roman name. Poseidon makes me think of Percy Jackson. Therefore I called the bald guy that I made out with…Percy. Clever I know. Impressive since I rationalized this all after a few shots of Torched Cherry and a couple of margaritas. Anyways, my reasons for not texting him or responding to his texts…the baldness.
Shall I go on? I’ll use my nicknames, but I wont explain them all. :)
There was Disney, when he wanted to see me again, I quit talking to him. My reasoning was that I didn’t like his pants. He wore sweats too often. Then there was Ginger, never got serious with him because he was a Ginger, and he had a tattoo that creeped me out. Oh, and I can’t forget Jake Owen guy…but I wont go public with that reason. Just know that it also is ridiculous. Even more ridiculous because the guy looked just like Jake Owen. I’m jizzing my pants just thinking about him. Ahh. Moving on. I didn’t like KFed’s pants. Magnum was too….big. I didn’t like the clothes the Sex Guy wore. I didn’t like iPhone guys job. I met Franco at Sherlocks. Guy looks liked a blonde James Franco. But of course I refused to give him my number because he had his ear peirced and for some reason I didn’t like it. And my most recent. It’s probably the worst thing ever. But it is however a valid excuse. I called him Dom because he reminded me of the Fast and Furous movies, but later I referred to him as Muppet because eventually he started to remind me of a guy I kind of knew once. Any ways. I actually talked to this one for a few days. We texted. But when he started asking when we were going to hang out again….I choked and quit texting and answering the phone. My reasoning then was because I didn’t like his car. But a day or so later I found out about his wife.
See what i mean. Lame ass excuses. The only good thing to come out of this revelation, is I’ve realized I have a problem with names, I’m a clever drunk, and I’m kind of a riot.
Also, I may have to make a list of all the nicknames I’ve given people.
And no. I never call them their nicknames to their faces. Besides Ginger and Jake Owen guy.